2016 was a difficult year.  On the heals of my wife’s cancer diagnosis and treatment, my mother was subsequently diagnosed with her own run of aggressive cancer.  Each passing week saw her frame became smaller. The medications she was on took away all her liveliness and sparkle. And as we approached Christmas that year, the family knew what was before us.

A few weeks prior to Christmas, a retired priest came to my door. He knew my situation. “Kyle, I will do the Christmas service for you. Be with your family.” Although this was a lovely gesture, I immediately objected. I worried about how my congregation would think of me, and my leadership, if I wasn’t present at Christmas. After all, I was the priest, people expected me to lead the service. So, I politely rejected his offer.

See, I told myself I was managing everything well. But of course, I wasn’t. I was just going through motions, and there were long moments where I would just sit at my desk blankly. The truth he saw, but I didn’t, was that I wasn’t managing at all, and I needed help. After all, watching your mother die slowly before you is emotional torture. The slow walk of grief is emotionally and spiritually taxing.

The retired priest just looked at me. “No, Kyle. You misunderstood me. I was not requesting permission. I was telling you. I am leading your Christmas service so you can be with your family.”  His tone suggested no further conversation was required. I felt an odd mix of both relief and guilt. I rejoiced that someone recognized the weight of my burden, and the effect it was having on me, but I condemned myself for not being strong enough to hold all things myself. 

We do this, don’ we?  We want people to notice our struggle, but when they do, we put on a brave face and proclaim our resilience.

I wonder if this is how Moses felt at the start of the Exodus. As reluctant as he was to assume the mantle of leadership, he was also reluctant to give it up. Moses was the one who listened to all cases and judged all matters. Moses thought he could do all things, but such a pace was unsustainable. Eventually, like a wise retired priest, his father-in-law Jethro speaks to the danger of Moses’ self-management. “The way you are going is not good,” he says.

Immediately, Moses asserted his capability to manage all things; “People come to me to seek God’s will. Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide and inform them of God’s instructions.”  His response sounds matter of fact, but underneath we hear the whisper of defensiveness and pride. What would people think about him, and his ministry, if he wasn’t there to oversee all matters? Who would Moses be if he wasn’t the worker of ministry?

Believing that we must handle all things in isolation sounds like self reliance, but it leaves us pushing God to the side, along with the people whom God calls into our lives. Rooting our life and ministry in our own ability closes us off from God’s gift of grace. Grace is simply when God provides what we cannot provide for ourselves. Needing help is not a detriment to our life or leadership. In fact, it is only through acknowledging our need that we can accept the hand of grace.

God doesn’t want you to live your spiritual life in private exhaustion. Like Moses, you may tell yourself that “it all rests on me”, or that “I’m the only one who can do this”, but that is simply not true. The truth is, a reluctance to allow anyone to come along side you will, eventually, work against your spiritual vitality. It will leave you spiritually depleted and exhausted.

So, in an act of grace, God sends a Jethro. God brings people into our lives who will help us see, and accept, God’s gift of help.  In fact, could it be that accepting the help of another is to embrace the blessing of God?

As hard as it might be, allow others to step forward and minister to you. Accepting the godly ministry of others is never a detriment to your spiritual life. Receiving grace is not a weakness. God calls us together, and it is together that we live as the people of God.

So, listen to Jethro. Embrace others and give them the joy of ministering to you.