Have you ever felt completely incompetent in the life of faith? For me, this feeling arises more frequently than I would like. It often comes on the heals of my tendency to compare myself against those whom I consider successful, who have “made it” in their ministry career.  I know such comparisons are unhelpful, but my inner frailties long for recognition and acknowledgement.

These feelings can happen on the best of days but are heightened whenever I’m in a spiritual funk. That was space in which I ended my morning service the other week. It was a Sunday where everything seemed a labor. I forgot what page I was on; I read the wrong collecting prayer; my sermon felt flat and forced. I think at one point a forgot a hymn altogether. I concluded the service feeling like my incompetence in ministry had (once again) been revealed. Surely other ministers never struggled with such idiocy.

As I stood at the back of the church, Anesha made her way to me. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for a bit, Father,” she said, “Last month I went home to Sri Lanka. My Gran told me that she always watches our Livestream.  She wanted me to give you this as a thank you for your ministry.”  With those words, Anesha handed me a small box of tea.

The box of 25 tea bags, which one could purchase in any of the local grocery stores, probably cost no more than a couple of dollars.  And yet the blessing of this gift far exceeded its monetary value. It was a divinely inspired confirmation at a time when I felt low in my ministry. But the message to me that morning, spoken by the Spirit in the depth of my soul, wasn’t a confirmation in my competence. I wasn’t led to say triumphantly, “See, I am effective! I am competent.”  No, the message was deeper. In the box of tea, I felt confirmed in my incompetence.

There are moments when God cuts through the noise of our disordered ideas about leadership and ministry. Ministry isn’t about competency or prowess; it’s not about maximizing our endeavors or achieving some ever-increasing public recognition. In the life of faith, we never rise above our own frailty. In fact, the places where we feel foolish, weak turned-around, or less-than, may be where God’s blessings are most fully revealed. Paul writes “Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world.” (1 Corinthians 1:26) Paul doesn’t write these words to shame the Corinthians, but to remind them the Christian life isn’t about what we do, but about what Jesus does through us.

In a beautiful expression of Godly timing, this gift of tea became a reminder that God works through our self-proclaimed feeble efforts far beyond our imagination or design. God uses us to bless others in ways and in places far beyond what we could ever create or manage ourselves. The Lord, truly, does more than we can ask or imagine. But this isn’t because we are miraculously raised to a level of proficiency or skill in our faith. No God does more than we can ask or imagine because God uses the things in ourselves that we may tempted to discard.

Think about it; if we are called to God even though we didn’t fit the worlds criteria for greatness, why then do we feel that we need to define our life by that standard? If grace is the foundation of our Christian life, could not grace be the foundation of our ministry?

God bless you if you struggle with feelings of incompetence. God bless you if you feel like your efforts never match the perfection you strive for. God bless you if you ever wonder if God could ever use someone like you. May you trust that God defines and directs the blessings that flow from you, whether you see them or not. In fact, most often you won’t see them.  But your inability to see the extent of blessing your ministry provides, both in location and time, doesn’t negate their existence. God is at work, and God doesn’t just bless you, he blesses through you.