I want to thank you for responding to my post about feeling God’s love. You were so honest in how you described your feelings of discouragement, and the deep wrestling that are undergoing. My heart grieved for you when I read that you have not felt God’s love for over a decade. While I believe that times of discouragement are normal in the life of faith, and may even be something that Jesus uses to deepen our relationship with him, a decade-long void of feeling God’s affection is gut wrenching. I am keeping you in prayer.

When I wrote that I don’t always feel God’s love, I was not suggesting that one can never feel God’s love. I simply wanted to suggest that my experience of God’s love isn’t based on my positive emotions. If I claim God’s love only when I feel happy or joyful, this will lead me to the mistaken belief that my negative feelings testify to God’s condemnation. It would be like me claiming that my wife no longer loves me whenever we are in an argument. This is woefully mistaken. Love remains despite the ups and downs of life. And while this dynamic may be imperfect when it comes to human relationships, God’s love is perfect and unfading. God declares “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3). We can no more deny the loving nature of God than we can deny the existence of God; the two go hand in hand.

This truth is much more than a linguistic twist. Because God’s love is essential to God’s relationship with us, I believe God wants us to experience that love. This is the truth we claim in Jesus. It stands at the heart of our faith. Jesus is the expression of God’s unyielding desire, delight, and faithfulness to us. Jesus wants us to know how deeply loved we are!

One of my favorite verses is found in the book of Romans, where Paul describes how God’s love has been “poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit” (5:5). The word for “poured”, here, is the same word used to describe the pouring out of Christ’s blood on the cross. In Jesus, God’s love has been poured out over you.

I know this can be hard to realize at times. You describe how you have only received negativity, rejection, and anger from God. I can’t imagine how difficult and isolating this must feel. May I suggest that you look past these feelings? Might Jesus be present in the midst of your experience? Ask yourself the following: is it true that God has given nothing but broken promises, rejection, and complete dismissal? Is it true that there has been no instance of God’s affection in your life? I know it feels like that at times but take a step back and ask if these things are really true?

Or perhaps you wish to ask things from a positive angle: Where was God’s love expressed in the birth of your son? How is God’s love shown in the embrace of your wife? And what of worship? Have you ever felt caught up in the presence of the Spirit? 

It can be hard to recognize these realities when we feel mired in discouragement. You wrote that you hadn’t felt God’s love in over 10 years, but that in and of itself must mean that you have experienced God’s love at some point in your life, for how can we long for something we have never experienced? There is sometimes a difference between the way things feel, and the way things are.

If you are open to it, I want to suggest a possible way forward. Derek, return to Jesus. I’m not talking about simply making some creedal declaration. Spend time with him. Read the gospels. Yes, I know you have read them before, but read them again. Read them from that place in your heart where you feel the most discouraged. Dare to believe that the words before you speak to you.  

Also, talk to Jesus. Begin your prayers with the phrase “Dear Jesus….” Forget formality, forget what your theology tells you, simply talk to him.

Of course, things may not change right away. Your discouragement may go on for a time. I truly believe that if you desire to experience God’s love, and if you reach out to Jesus, you will find yourself embraced in his love.

My prayers are with you. Please write again.

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*NOTE: While this post is based on an actual email I received from a reader, “Derek” is a fictional person and the details of the letter have been changed to ensure anonymity.